HEYO

hey guys.
so happy new year. i hope that your day is starting.
hey so listen up. I was inspired by this tumblr post about how your is like a book. 365 pages. yea the same person who inspired to post the previous post.
so yea check it out, I will post it dow below later.
i hope that you guys will have a great year ahead.
Love you guys.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Check out my new blog! I already upload the first day even though it hasn't ended so yea- the-365-pages-of-squister.blogspot.com

A new book

Today is the last page of this book. Tomorrow is a new page of  a new.
For me, this book is not a happy story. This book is filled with drama, blood, tears, happiness...
I just hope that tomorrow's first page will be perfect. No...I don't hope. I will make tomorrow's first page not exactly perfect but good...at least good.  I will try to make the new book a book without drama or sadness. Then again, I can't really control what happens.
I hope that you guys will have a good 365 days starting from tomorrow. Then again, how do will you have a good story without forgetting the 365 days that passed.
hey listen up! If something goes wrong in your story, I will be here to make you're story better. I will try my best.
Find me on twitter. (like_a_caffeine) dm me. I will be here for you always.

love you guys.
Enjoy the last page of your book.
Have a happy ending.

you

You just keep on hurting me like I'm not your girlfriend, like I'm nobody.
Do you really love me?
If you say yes, then why do you keep doing what you're doing?
Seriously, you have a girlfriend. Wake up...please...

Go.

"the prince wanted to live happily with his princess but so many dragons kept interfering"

I feel like I should go.

You don't need me at all. I guess she's the one who won your heart...

Your life would be so fucking better without me. 

She's the one that you love the most. Say that you don't need me. Say that you don't love me and you love her the most. Tell me you never want to see me ever again. Tell me all this please and I will go because I don't want to leave you without knowing all this.

I will leave you physically but emotionally, I'm still here.

Go and live happily with her. 

I'll be here, crying, watching you walk away because I've lost the one who won my heart.

Love,

jo, one of the dragons.

Only he.

Only he knows how I feel.

A new thought

All of sudden the thought of running away from my problems came to my mind. I feel like going back home. She will be happy wouldn't she. I mean she doesn't have to worry about hurting anyone.

Mixed

Angry. Sad. Frustrated. Confused.

Why did you lie to me? Why did you hide it from me, you said you will never hide anything from me? Why? Why did you? I really trust you a lot but i guess you don't. I hate this, I really fucking do. When it will it all stop? When? What you told me, really? Tell me really. It's not that i don't trust you,  I feel fucking insercure right now. Argh. Tears, filled with this feelings, is just dripping down my face.
Seriously, I have no way out hurting myself is not a option right now because I don't want to hurt my friends.
Right now, I just feel like screaming my guts out, that's the only thing which is at the back of my mind. IM SO FUCKING LOST RIGHT NOW.

I don't know

 I really don't know.
I don't know what to do.
What do you do when you love someone so fucking much and all you get in return is scars on your heart?
You can't let that special someone go, you just love that someone so much...you can't even let that someone go.
argh. It's just so fucked up.
Do what you have to do?
hurt me all you want. I will just take like you didn't. So c'mon hurt me all you want.
BUT don't be there for me when, I reached my breaking point.
You still have my trust, you still have my heart...pleas take care of my heart.

Update:)

Hey amazing peeps!

Thank you for reading my blog. I'm sorry for some rants and i hope you guys don't mind. I will try my best to post an advice post.
I apologise for not updating my blog so frequently and I might not update my blog so frequently now a days because school is starting soon and I need to focus but don't worry I will update when I have time.
In the mean time, stay strong , be happy. Remember,  I'm always here for you if you need somebody.
Keep smiling and continue your journey.
If you want to give any suggestions about anything or want to tell me something, just leave a comment down below.

The torture flats

Im kinda happy happen with what the pair of flats did. It hurts but I enjoy it.

FUCCCCCCKKKKKK

Im so fucking pissed

Relieve

Every punch I take I feel relieve . Everything I want to say but I can't say is released. I hate it when I try to explain myself to her, I can't.  And she hurts me with all the words she can say. Right now, I can't stop replaying the words she said...

Help

And there it is. Lying down there calling my name. It might not be a blade but it's something..HELP ME PLEASE. PLEASE. 

Lost

I have no idea what is going on. I feel lost. Like totally. I can only hear it call on my name but I don't know where to find it in my house....Someone help me...

It called

It called my name. It told me that I needed it...lucky I was outside.

:(

I miss dancing

Tears

Tears...we cry because of many reasons.
Happy, sad, proud.....

For this post,  I'm focusing on sad tears

Every time something's not right, every time your mind turns weak, tears start to form....and drip down your face.

To cry, to release evry sadness in you.
One drop of tear means one step closer to being happy...or feeling much more better.

After crying,  just smile, fake or real, just smile but please put on a real smile:) because you need that smile to help you get through whatever caused you to cry...I'm always here if you need me...

Shout out. Whoowhoo

♡To my bumheads♡
They're my everything. Without them, my life, it will totally suck. Just by talking to them, I just forget everything that is happening. I love their hugs the most. Probably, the best thing I ever receive. I don't mind making time for them. They're the reason why I want to smile. They're part of me, my heart and my life journey.

♡Love you guys♡

They're my definition of perfection

Staying strong

I know how hard it is to reject the calling of that 'friend'. The way it tells you, you need it. The way It calls your name and it just won't stop.

Please, please,  try your best to stay strong and fight that sound.

Before you pick it up, think about what's going to happen...
Remember that friend who said she will cut if you did.
Your parents or teachers,  if they see those lines.
Yea I know, some of you will be thinking,  what friends, what parents or what teachers.
Well about yourself, when the problem, or problems, disappears(yes it will be gone...believe in yourself) you're going to have scars left behind reminding you of everything that happened...wouldn't like that would?

But you'll be asking me this, "I don't know what else to do, hurting myself the only way out for me."
Some of us are comfortable talking to a special adult.
Remember that friend who's willing to sacrifice her/his skin for you to stop...I bet she's willing to help you.
Don't feel comfortable talking to another person...
Going to a place with nobody around and screaming your sadness or anger out.
Writing all you sadness or anger out on a piece of paper.
Crying it out.

Lastly, me...you can rant to me, talk to me ...anything I'll be here for you.

You can do all that but you need to solve the problem in the end...there's always a solution...you just have stay strong and find your way out.

The reason why I ask you to stay strong is because you don't know what's going to happen in the later part of your journey...what if, something good happens to you, actually something good always happens to everyone.
Just believe in yourself and stay strong.
Stay strong till the very end of your journey.
Don't choose to end it earlier.

There's always someone there for you.

If you have nobody, im here always. It doesn't matter if I know you or not. Im here for you
I'll be here...screaming louder than that 'friend'.

Stay strong, for I'll be here to pick you up everytime you fall.

UPDATTEEE

Heyo:)

I will try my best to publish at least 1 post everyday.  Hope you guys are liking it so far. If my advice is stupid or not good enough,  i apologise.
Just leave a comment what you don't like about it and I will change and I'll improve. 
I apologise if I offended anyone. I didn't mean to.
Thanks guys for reading my blog:)
Follow me yea;)

Stay strong amazing people:)

Smile; )

To you, T

To you my wonderful, amazing, awesome beautiful, sweet, talented...T.....
Love you forever & always:)

you, only you in my head

Every second,  every hour,  everyday...I think about you.  I can't stop...

Please don't go.

Please stay with me, physically and mentally

I miss you a lot.

I love you a lot.

No

I love you more than...a lot.

I love you more than infinity.

You won my heart...

In her head

"Joanne, what does people normally use to cut their wrist?"

Why are you asking me this?

Is it out of curiosity or something else?

If I don't tell her, she might be mad.
If I do, I will have that fear of her doing it.

Please don't figure out....

Lost

I am in this dark world.
Only people can see me but I can't see them.
This person came...he talked to me, he made me happy but he didn't brought me out if this dark world. He left me...all alone.
Then, she came...she made me happy, the happiest girl in the world. She Broughty me out from the dark...i saw her from then she won my heart.  I want her to stay because she is my light.

Shane...

This scene, season 2 of the l word((Don't know what ep)) Is simply perfection.
Everyone needs someone like Shane, if you know her, she's a player and all but she still cares for everyone around her.

She walks in the bathroom, took the blade.
Takes a towel and tries to stop the bleeding. 
Give her a big hug.
Tell her everything is going to be alright.

I guess, never judge a person by the number of people she sleeps with or relationship that person had. 

Im the failure

Everyone around me, the people I love,
Hurt
Because of me
I hate it.  I fucking do.
I blame myself for it. 
I don't know what to do.
Only my friend can help me.
But now that friend is down in the...trash, being destroyed.
Now, i don't what to do.
Just cry, let my drama out.
In the from of tears and sadness:(

The drama in me

I just want to cut...I want that friend of mine to help me but I know that cutting will just leave scars. Thus, a cant.
I want to scream,  hoping everything will be better.
I want to run away but problems will still remain
I don't know what to do.

Book of my secrets

How many of you keep dairies?

I don't but I used to

Writting a diary releases your anger, sadness, happiness...
It's like talking to another a person, that person's name might be diary or any other name or that person might not even have a name and you trust this dairy person because whatever you write on each page of that notebook nobody is going to find out. It's like dairy(or whatever name you want yo name it) is your best friend.

The reason why I stop writing is because what if someone just sees the diary, all the secret. I mean it can be anyone, if you keep at home, your parents might see it, no matter how hard you try to hide it and if you bring around so be secure, what if your friends see it.
The secrets are gone.

So I just find other ways...yes one of the ways is for me to hurt myself but I learn it's not. 
So I rather blog or write it down on a piece of paper and throw it way.
Another way to go to the beach or any empty area and shout whatever you want.

Im not stopping from writing your diaries entires. This my pov.  Everyone have their own ways to release their drama. Just make sure it's kept safe.

Guys quick question.  What do you plan to do with the dairy once it's full? Destroy it? So that memories won't be worst.  Or keep it? For your own memories.

Keep smiling amazing people:)

Love you and only you

UPDATE:)

Hey guys;)

Thanks for reading my blog and I just want to say my post are based on what I learn or know and it's also my pove. I didn't mean to offend, hurt you and im truly sorry if I didn't.  If I did, don't be afraid to comment on the post itself. Im alright with negative comments because I want to learn.

And yea I also want to apologise for any English mistakes because my English is not so good.

So yea guys
Smille;) and stay strong.

To try is better to promise

I'm sorry to my dearest friend.

Why did I see that letter? Why did let negative comments affect me?

Why did I grab that blade? I'm sorry for making you hurt yourself.

I remember promising you that day...that horrible day...

I thought that I will finally stop but flashbacks kept replaying and he left.

I felt like a failure to my friends and people I love because...

*She made 'tattoos' because of me.

She thinks that she is a trouble maker because of me.

If hadn't interfere, they will still be happy.

Mommy and daddy will not waste on engergy me.

I hurt you, her and her.**

I'm sorry for being weak.

 That's the not the way. I should stay strong.

I can't promise you that I will stop...I will try...because I don't wanna hurt you when I meet my breaking point. 

 

* This 'she' is a different person from the next 'she'

** Each her is different

 

Love you

Keep smiling;)

Trust

TRUST.

Let me blog about this word in terms of relationship.

In a relationship, trust is the probably the most important thing in a relationship. Especially, if you want a never ending relationship.

Trust is important in a relationship because if one doesn't trust the other that he or she loves him or her then what's the point of getting in a relationship, don't even think about 'forever you and me'. 

 

You have to trust, most probably, the love of your life the that he or she loves you and only.

Let's say, for example, you see your guy with his ex....and you think that he is flirting with her but he told you his just catching up with her.

If you agree to agree with yourself, where's the true love, you're just crushing on him.

If you agree to agree with him, that's the way and you truly love him.

Don't get me wrong though. If you see him with his ex more than ,I don't know, 5 times, then it's time to get suspicious.

Trust, yes it's important but you need to know when to trust and when not to trust.

And yea this question was asked in one of my favourite shows, so yea. What is cheating to you?

Is kissing cheating? What about hugging? We all know that sleeping with another person is cheating. What about having feelings for another person, now, is that cheating to you?

Comment down below.

And this is my pov. So if you disagree with me then comment down below;) 

I didn't mean to offend anyone.

Keep smiling:)

The Big Journey

Life...it's like a journey. There's obstacles which come in your way.
You're going to fight it and not sit there and suffer and let time do all the work because you don't know what's going to happen in your big journey. 

Your journey is amazing..trust me...because God plan it. 

To have an amazing journey you just have to fight the obstacles. ..no matter how weak you are.

If you feel like you can't do it,
YOU CAN DO IT YOU ARE GOING FIGHT AWAY THE OBSTACLES. TRUST YOURSELF.

You're not a failure

😀✌️

For those android users, this post is call 'Smile 2'

From my previous post, I said it takes 12 or 17 muscles to smile but to me, it takes these 12 or 17 muscles and a special someone to smile. (According to my small research) You can take a look at it, it's just below.

Sometimes a smile can be fake, forcing the 12 or 17 muscles to make a smile.

Faking a smile is just to let people know that your alright, you're ok but there's this other side of you which is frowning because life sucks...

No matter what, try to have a real smile because, to me a real smile makes you look a thousand plus beautiful. Just think about what makes you happy, what makes you smile. ( Anything which involves hurting yourself is NOT counted)

If you don't have anything, there's always one very loving who loves you, God.

Smile;)

Blogging

To me, to blog is one my ways to release whatever drama that's taking place in me, instead of...reaching for that sharp object. 

But at times, blogging doesn't help because I'm just too tired, physically and emotionally, to reach my iPad or my phone and start typing. So I just sit there and let my tears go down my face and let the sharp object help me.

How I wish there's this device which is attach to me,which can type out what I want to release from my body(or my spirit), so whenever I feel down, I can just rant it all out on my blog. Instead of hurting myself...

Smile guys;)

Hey:)

How's your 'journey' so far?

If it's great, then continue to be happy and when you meet your 'obstacle', fight it.

If it's not going well so far, don't worry. Fight whatever you're going through and move on  because there's still alot more things you have to go through and once you meet the same 'obstacle', you probably know what to do.

Just smile and a pray.

Do remember, someone cares.

Fear

Do you remember one of the lines from the movie "After Earth". It goes a little something like this...

Fear is just an option.......

On Sunday I realised something,

If you let yourself give up, you'll lose.
Same goes for having fear in you; if you let fear take over you, you'll lose.

Fighting

When you look them, you think they are normal but they're not.

These people either have a phyiscal or mental disability but let me tell you they are amazing people.

I saw them running, I said to myself,  wow they run so fast I bet they can beat me.

These athletes inspire me because they have a disability which brings them down but they just forget about it and focus in what they what to do; to achieve a medal and make themselves proud.  I love their fighting spirit.

So maybe one day, when you feel like you have totally nothing to do, go and  volunteer.

Trust me you'll be surprised from what you see.

It's not really how much you train for the medal. It's how bad you want the medal.

Don't get me wrong. Yes, you have to train but you also need to train your mental strength.

I remember my coach and seniors telling me this- mind over body.

♥Keep that 'fire' alive♥

Love

NOTE: 'Love' is that person who I love

'Love' is a truly amazing person.

I love 'love'. 'Love' is just the most amazing person I ever met.

'Love'
I promise never to leave you. No matter what ever the situation is. Whatever you're going through, I will go through it with you. I cant stop thinking about you. Every time, I look at you, you're just so amazing....I cant stop thinking about you. I really hope one day I can see you smile for 24 hours and then maybe you will be happy forever.  I love your smile. I love your eyes. I love your face. I just love you.
Im sorry if I can't be there when you are breaking down but I'll try my best.

I'll be here right by your side.

Forever & Always

I love you so much 'love'.

♥

Upset

I'm just a failure. 

I can't make the people around me happy.  No matter what I do. I can't even make the one I love feel happy.

I'm upset with myself.

Sometimes, I just want to grab that penknife again but I promised...

I may look strong but im totally weak...

Hey

Hey guys! So, I hope you guys had a great day. So yea any questions-
ask.fm/theimperfectme  .
Have a great week, month and year ahead
Love you all of you
Keep smiling :)

Flashback

I saw the 'tattoos' on her forearm and it took me back to where I was years ago. Why did she do that? What was going on in her mind? She may look fine but her soul is not.

A person who is shy, has something more going on inside of her.

Keep smiling :) don't let anything affect your mind and body.
Lots of love♥

Regret

Every Saturday night, I will wait for him to message me and when I see his name on the notification, I quickly tap on it.
It started out slow and soon, it turn to a sext.
It went on till the day he told me he doesn't like me anymore. I didn't know why but then a few days later he told me. It was a misunderstanding. I did explain but...now we are strangers or friends.
At the same time I feel stupid doing all this dirty talk.
Now, he loves another girl.
But I told myself,
"Hey he did not ask me why I did something like that (caused me and him to break up)it is his lost, not mine. Be strong, he threw me away not begging me to come back, you're nothing to him anymore. I'm going to prove him that he his such a loser throwing me away."
If you're asking do I still have him in my mind-99% no , 1% yes
That 1%...memories with him...
Be strong and keep smiling:)

Smile

According to my small research, it takes 12 or 17 muscles to smile but to me, it takes these 12 or 17 muscles and a special someone to smile.

No matter what that special someone does, it puts a smile on my face, just seeing that special person makes me smile.

A smile makes me go through the day with no problems.

KEEP SMILING:)

Hugs

According to the dictionary, the meaning of hug is- to clasp or hold closely, especially in the arms, as in affection; embrace. But having someone hugging you means that someone cares about you; as a family member, a friend or a lover.

Someone hugging you, just makes your day great-that sense of happiness.

What makes a hug better is actually someone who you love or a crush. Makes you smile 10 times more then a normal hug.

Hugs are like my happiness to life :)

Keep smiling!

Fears

It's something you want to avoid - something or someone but sometimes you got to face it. Hate roller coaster rides, try it once, maybe you will like it but if you don't then don't try it again but at least you can tell people you tried it once. Scared of a someone, don't focus on them too much and just walk, be strong!
My teacher once told me if your too focus on your fear, it's going to get over you and affect you.

Keep  smiling:)

Believe

Was on the edge of dying. Felt like giving up.
 "I have to do this. You can do it"
In the end, we won the match. Placed top in the zone.
You can do it. Anything is possible, just believe in yourself and you can do it.

Stupid

Was so stupid to fall in love with him.
Got pulled in and can't get out.
Left there all alone.
All I got to do his make him feel the way I feel.
I thought he was the one.
I thought this will happen.

But
I was wrong.

They are NOTHING

When ever I feel depress or sad, I take it out, make "tattoos" on my arm. I felt like giving up. I felt useless, unwanted....I stopped when my friend look at the "tattoos" on my arm and she decided to do it on herself for me. From there, I felt like what did I do to the people around me.
Bullies are just "big" people, there are nothing. They are just trying to bring you down and all you have to do is just fight them, you may be weak but your soul is strong and remember, GOD loves you. Keep smiling :D

I cant.

She asked me to meet her up at the toilet. When I reached there, she passed me a paper and said, " Read this privately."  I took it when into one of the cubicals. Open it up. How can two of my friends, best friends, say this. One of them change but I can't forgive them. I was betrayed, bullied. I may look like I like her but inside she is a bully. Memories can't be erase...